What Now?

When Paul and I came home this morning we could tell Penny hadn't been found. I guess we're done. For now. We've got feelers out everywhere and it's come down to a wait and see game. I have to start work tomorrow or Monday and have decided to create a separate blog for Penny updates. They'll be short and concise. Not a place for me to lose my shit. Writing about her puts a knot in my stomach. I need to get my mind on work again. Who would have thought I'd be looking forward to going back to work?

Wrapping it up for the Night

Me, Brad, and Uncle Paul are calling it quits for the night. Paul went down to PDQ Whistlestops for a couple of watered down beers and Brad and I have decided to spend the night at the office. It's a super chill place when everyone's gone home. Kinda creepy too. I dug around Troy's desk and found the key to the backroom. He has a super comfy Twin bed that I am more than happy to let brad use for the night. Brad fet a little guilty that I was too big to use it, but I don't plan on getting much sleep anyhow. Tomorrow we'll file an official missing persons report, put up some posters then go home and regroup. Brad should probably stay behind to get some work done. I'll miss the company. I hope Uncle Paul doesn't get too fucked up to walk home. He does love the brewskies! Brad's concked already so maybe I'll see if I can find Uncle P. I could use a watered down brew about now...

Here He Comes to Save the Day

I can’t believe it. Brad showed up at my place first thing this morning wearing his “It’s an ungulate thing, you wouldn’t understand” T-shirt. The first thing he said was “I’m here to help.” I could have cried. I should have. My brain is too much in action/emergency mode to cry. I went to get my “It’s an ungulate thing, you wouldn’t understand” shirt and a magic marker. I wrote on the front of Brad’s shirt: “Honorary Proboscidae” which tickled him to death. He told me I should have written it backwards so he could read it when he looked in the mirror. I said that he already knew he was an Honorary Proboscidae and that I had put it on his shirt so that everyone else would know. He liked that. Well it just so happened that once we had divided everyone into groups of three, we were left with a final group of two. I’m going with Uncle Paul’s friend Tony Fleenor and now of course Brad, which makes three. Rachel is going to stay here with all the younger kids. Good choice.My baby brother is super distressed over Penny and Rachel is the one he trusts the most. He's just old enough to know that something is going on and that whatever it is ain’t cool. No one has said anything about when we would officially give up the search. Relax. I think our group is going to canvas the city and the suburbs, we three are just about the only ones here that know the city backwards and forwards. It feels better to actually be doing something. Oh, Miss Schmancy, speaking of the other unglates at the office,mst of them, in fact all of them except Sean (a bit of an ass and a water buffalo) have asked Brad to print them up some of his shirts. Brad is thrilled I can tell, but he's holding it in because of Penny. He shouldn't. He deserves a break...

A Nice ? From a Certain Dr. Zibbs

Dearest Dr. Zibbs. You asked..."Do you get along with the tapir?" What a wonderful question at a time like this. I hadn't really drawn my thoughts together on this issue. hmmm. My email is down at the moment so I'll answer you here. If you've seen the first couple of posts, you'll note that I said some pretty nasty things about Brad. I have a real dillema emerging. He is turning out to be a really decent guy. Some of the stuff, like the "shirt incident" still puts me off but I'm just chalking that up to natural differences of opinion and taste. The problem I have is this...Brad doesn't know about my blog but may eventually find it. He's actually very internet savvy and very sensitive. Do I take it down or keep it up? Not wanting to hurt his feelings makes me want to take it down, but integrity to the blog...well...you know what I mean. As it stands, it stays. I'll probably talk to him about it soon and tell him about MrBabyElephant. Brian the gorrilla and Troy the Homo Sap however, remain firmly on my shitlist. Thanks again for the question...It's been nice to get my mind off Penny for a bit. And please thank your friend Fancy Schmancy for her concern as well.

UGGG

It’s been two days since Penny disappeared. I feel like I’m going out of my mind. Uncle Paul and Tony Fleenor from the herd south of us are organizing a huge search party that will start off in the morning. It seems strange that Penny wouldn’t have run into some elephants by now. If she had, someone would have sent a message along. As a species we’re pretty good at that sort of thing. Paul said we should start out in groups of three and then split off as we run across potentially promising paths. Paul is really pulling this thing together. Even as recent as yesterday most of the Ladies were still giving him the silent treatment over the musht thing. He could so make them eat crow right now but I think he just wants an end to the whole thing. I need to get some sleep, but I know I won’t be able to. Everyone's avoiding me like the plague at work. Even Brian. So something good's come out of this. Wait, that's not funny. Anyway, Brad is really stoked on this ungulate power kick. He has a Mormon neighbor who said she'd do our geneaology charts to see how far back we're related. I'm not so sure he understands so good. He's been on eggshells around me as well. I'll invite him out for lunch or something...

Oh No...Not Again

I came home from work today to find out that my sister Penny has been missing all day. Trevor and Sandy said they saw her at the watering hole around 10:00 am., and that was the last anyone saw of her. I had a particularly rough day at work so the last thing I wanted to do was to have to go out looking for Penny... again. Oh, I showed Stan my sketches for the Geranimal knockoff line and he admitted that they were much better than Steve's but said that he had already promised Steve the account so so I'm outta luck. I'm amazed that Stan would let politics get in the way of producing a successful garment line. Apparently Steve's recent efforts have made the Garanimals fiasco look like high art. So I gotta come home to this. Yuck. Knowing Penny she'll probably show up the second I go looking for her. Its happened before... poor kid. Penny is 10 years older than me but the thing is is that she's dumb as they come, and I don’t mean that in a cruel way at all. She just is. And the thing about these little disappearing acts of hers is that they scare the living shit out of me every time. I love Penny more than anyone else in the world and I make no bones about it. Honestly I don’t know if it’s her low intellect or her basic character that makes her so sweet , but she has gotten herself into some really dangerous situations because of it. I remember a few months back mom let Penny go for a quick stroll with baby Pete. After they had been gone way too long Trevor and I set out to go look for them. When we found them, she was lying next to a dying puma cub singing to it and trying to hold its head off the wet ground. The animal was clearly on its way out and doing the sad hyperventilating quickstep breathing thing that dying animals do. It had no idea she was there. Baby Pete was just a few yards away dancing and noodling around with his trunk thinking that Penny was singing to him . The irony was breathtaking. Another time Trevor and Rachel spotted her chatting it up with a deadly asp. They begged her to back away as quietly as she could but she was so busy with her childish questions she didn't hear them. In hindsight, The best question was: Where's the rest of your body? It seemed that she was under the impression that he was the talking disembodied trunk of an elephant. That should have really pissed the asp off but it turned out to be Donald Craft, the guy who runs the food cart downtown during lunch hour and he had somehow figured out that Penny was Carl's kid. (my dad too, obviously). If it had been anyone else, she would have had it. I'll be glad when this little episode is over...

Wait for it!

How do I explain this to him? Yesterday Brad said he had something he was going to bring me , and bring something he did! Three neon pumpkin-orange t-shirts with “It’s an ungulate thing, you wouldn’t understand” written in black capital letters on the back. One for him, one for Tracy and one for little old me. The blinding orangeness I could handle, and I didn’t even mind the sentiment, derivative as it is, but I just can’t wear clothes that have writing on them. It freaks me out. I’m a really private guy and I don’t dig waving my personal business or opinions about in public. Even brand name stuff gets me. I mean, I already had to pay for the damn thing and now you want me to go around hocking your wares for you . Do your own damn work…ya screw. My aunt Brenda got me a Tommy Hilfiger jacket last year for my birthday and I covered up the name with duct tape. She was furious. She knows me better than that. She knows I don’t go for that sort of crap. God, even thinking about it raises my bile. Ug. Well it’s pretty clear Brad is deeply proud of this dubious accomplishment. I don’t know if I’ll be able to get out of it. I was going to talk to Stan (the head art director) about Steve’s shitty designs for the Garanimal knockoff line. I can’t imagine going into his office wearing “It’s an ungulate thing, you wouldn’t understand” and preaching to him about aesthetic no-nos. I told Brad that I had a meeting with Stan later on and it would be unprofessional to wear a t-shirt in front of him. Then Brad said that maybe Stan would like it and give me a raise. Brad has this magical ability to quietly, effortlessly make you feel like a real heel when you’re trying to get out of something. And then I thought of it. I said: Brad, think about it, Stan is not an ungulate. He might take it the wrong way... That was my out. He bought it. And it's actually kinda true. I’m beginning to wonder if it was such a good idea to make nice with Brad. It was just Arby’s for Chrissake!