Oh joy of joys. The HR department has commissioned one of those pep talk gurus to do a series of workshops to boost morale. You want morale? Pay a fucking living wage, that'll boost morale . This ass kissing feel-good stuff is so insulting. Pure kindergarten kitch. The guy who's coming is supposedly some mid tier Life-Coach type who makes a killing doing the corporate circuit. A tarsier nonetheless. I don't want to sound speciest but those little dudes freak me out big time. Brian and Troy are all in a tizzy over it. They've been strutting around and bragging how they share a more recent common ancestor with this Maurice Trendelbaugh than any of us non-primates. So Fucking What. I would not want to be anywhere near thoses things on the tree of life. Stay off my branch bitch is all I'm saying. We're supposed to get together in groups of five for a more personal brainwashing experience. Brian and Troy the Homo Sap are in the same session with me but they stuck Brad with the glue crew. The marsupials. A bandicoot, a sugar glider, and two wallabies. Too bad Brad and I won't be able to share our misery. monday can never be far enough away...

Penny Updates

What Now?

When Paul and I came home this morning we could tell Penny hadn't been found. I guess we're done. For now. We've got feelers out everywhere and it's come down to a wait and see game. I have to start work tomorrow or Monday and have decided to create a separate blog for Penny updates. They'll be short and concise. Not a place for me to lose my shit. Writing about her puts a knot in my stomach. I need to get my mind on work again. Who would have thought I'd be looking forward to going back to work?

Wrapping it up for the Night

Me, Brad, and Uncle Paul are calling it quits for the night. Paul went down to PDQ Whistlestops for a couple of watered down beers and Brad and I have decided to spend the night at the office. It's a super chill place when everyone's gone home. Kinda creepy too. I dug around Troy's desk and found the key to the backroom. He has a super comfy Twin bed that I am more than happy to let brad use for the night. Brad fet a little guilty that I was too big to use it, but I don't plan on getting much sleep anyhow. Tomorrow we'll file an official missing persons report, put up some posters then go home and regroup. Brad should probably stay behind to get some work done. I'll miss the company. I hope Uncle Paul doesn't get too fucked up to walk home. He does love the brewskies! Brad's concked already so maybe I'll see if I can find Uncle P. I could use a watered down brew about now...

Here He Comes to Save the Day

I can’t believe it. Brad showed up at my place first thing this morning wearing his “It’s an ungulate thing, you wouldn’t understand” T-shirt. The first thing he said was “I’m here to help.” I could have cried. I should have. My brain is too much in action/emergency mode to cry. I went to get my “It’s an ungulate thing, you wouldn’t understand” shirt and a magic marker. I wrote on the front of Brad’s shirt: “Honorary Proboscidae” which tickled him to death. He told me I should have written it backwards so he could read it when he looked in the mirror. I said that he already knew he was an Honorary Proboscidae and that I had put it on his shirt so that everyone else would know. He liked that. Well it just so happened that once we had divided everyone into groups of three, we were left with a final group of two. I’m going with Uncle Paul’s friend Tony Fleenor and now of course Brad, which makes three. Rachel is going to stay here with all the younger kids. Good choice.My baby brother is super distressed over Penny and Rachel is the one he trusts the most. He's just old enough to know that something is going on and that whatever it is ain’t cool. No one has said anything about when we would officially give up the search. Relax. I think our group is going to canvas the city and the suburbs, we three are just about the only ones here that know the city backwards and forwards. It feels better to actually be doing something. Oh, Miss Schmancy, speaking of the other unglates at the office,mst of them, in fact all of them except Sean (a bit of an ass and a water buffalo) have asked Brad to print them up some of his shirts. Brad is thrilled I can tell, but he's holding it in because of Penny. He shouldn't. He deserves a break...

A Nice ? From a Certain Dr. Zibbs

Dearest Dr. Zibbs. You asked..."Do you get along with the tapir?" What a wonderful question at a time like this. I hadn't really drawn my thoughts together on this issue. hmmm. My email is down at the moment so I'll answer you here. If you've seen the first couple of posts, you'll note that I said some pretty nasty things about Brad. I have a real dillema emerging. He is turning out to be a really decent guy. Some of the stuff, like the "shirt incident" still puts me off but I'm just chalking that up to natural differences of opinion and taste. The problem I have is this...Brad doesn't know about my blog but may eventually find it. He's actually very internet savvy and very sensitive. Do I take it down or keep it up? Not wanting to hurt his feelings makes me want to take it down, but integrity to the blog...well...you know what I mean. As it stands, it stays. I'll probably talk to him about it soon and tell him about MrBabyElephant. Brian the gorrilla and Troy the Homo Sap however, remain firmly on my shitlist. Thanks again for the question...It's been nice to get my mind off Penny for a bit. And please thank your friend Fancy Schmancy for her concern as well.

UGGG

It’s been two days since Penny disappeared. I feel like I’m going out of my mind. Uncle Paul and Tony Fleenor from the herd south of us are organizing a huge search party that will start off in the morning. It seems strange that Penny wouldn’t have run into some elephants by now. If she had, someone would have sent a message along. As a species we’re pretty good at that sort of thing. Paul said we should start out in groups of three and then split off as we run across potentially promising paths. Paul is really pulling this thing together. Even as recent as yesterday most of the Ladies were still giving him the silent treatment over the musht thing. He could so make them eat crow right now but I think he just wants an end to the whole thing. I need to get some sleep, but I know I won’t be able to. Everyone's avoiding me like the plague at work. Even Brian. So something good's come out of this. Wait, that's not funny. Anyway, Brad is really stoked on this ungulate power kick. He has a Mormon neighbor who said she'd do our geneaology charts to see how far back we're related. I'm not so sure he understands so good. He's been on eggshells around me as well. I'll invite him out for lunch or something...